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well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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