I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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