tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
