Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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