dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
