im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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