Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
