Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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