apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
