I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
did you just send me my own nude
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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