FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I take back everything I said about communal showers
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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