he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
