my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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