Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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