You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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