the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Randomize
