I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
