i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Randomize
