How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
