I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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