It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
