On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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