A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
