fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
