She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
