Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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