just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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