shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
