I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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