so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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