You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
