Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
