I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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