i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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