Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
