so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
