ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Still dying that you shit outside
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
