If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
whose parrot is this?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
