It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
