its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
