is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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