Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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