Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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