Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
