fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
