My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
