the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
