she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
