I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
nutella sex= disaster
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
