You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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