new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
