He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
