I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
