Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Mom said you looked used
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
