I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize