literally had 100 drinks last night.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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