my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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