If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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