dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
