Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize