Midget sex pt 2 tonight
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
