I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
