I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
